I Kissed A Girl
…AND I LOVE IT. This show is fucking great. End all other reality dating shows asap.
Can you believe there has never been a UK dating show on telly for women who date women? I can. Because British reality TV is an absolute state. A couple of weeks ago, despite declaring at the beginning of the year I was NOT going to be watching this sort of stuff, I started Love Triangle, the new show from the MAFS cinematic universe, which appears to exist for the one single mission of irreparably destroying at least one woman’s self-esteem over the course of each series.
It’s sort of what you’d expect a show called Love Triangle to be about and, yes of course it sucks you in. But I do hate it and there’s always at least one man who I think — and I’m not exaggerating when I say this — should not be allowed to talk to a woman ever again. Or even look at her. These shows, and the obvious others who shall not be named, thrive on showing women reacting to misogyny but then leave them alone to deal with it.
This is not that. It all begins with a kiss. Couples are paired up and have to snog before even introducing themselves — AN INTRIGUING FORMAT, I hear you say. You’re correct. But by the end of the first episode, I’ve kind of forgotten about that mechanism and it’s pretty irrelevant, really. What we’re here for is the blossoming sapphic love and friendship. At long last.
Suffice it to say, I am not watching Love Triangle anymore.
Huge caveat incoming: I’ve watched four episodes (and a bit of a fifth), so if any of what I’ve written changes in the second half of the series, I am at liberty to retract everything and abandon my current beliefs. I think that’s how the internet works.
From here on out, I’m using the terms “women who love women” (WLW) and queer women to reflect the range of different sexualities and dating histories of the contestants. But I want to acknowledge also that people have very specific relationships with the terms used — gay, lesbian, queer, bi, pan — so it’s difficult to refer to everyone with a catch-all. Early on, one contestant surprises herself by how emotional she gets talking about her relationship with the word Lesbian; another refers to herself as gay, another bi, another queer… and all of these terms may evolve as individual relationships with queerness evolve…sorry, it’s not simple enough for a simple explanation.
It’s by no means perfect and it is interesting, though not entirely a surprise, that they have chosen to feature only cis women…but I haven’t watched all of it, so maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised?
Here are the things I love about it (and the thing I don’t).
It’s actually very sweet
Sure, there’s drama because there has to be, but really nothing that deep in the grand scheme of dating women. Most of the tension comes from the little teething problems that crop up when anyone tries to start up a relationship.
They navigate each other’s insecurities with sensitivity and are careful and respectful. When mistakes are inevitably made, they are owned up to quickly and dealt with through open conversations rather than gaslighting or accusations.
It’s evident from the outset that the producers have paid attention to what the women asked for. Some of these couples very soon realise that they’re not right for each other, but they actually all did get what they said they wanted. It just shows how easy it is to make a dating show that doesn’t immediately feel unethical.
Of course, people are going to get hurt, and there are some heartbreaking moments of realisation that I hate just how much I can relate to, particularly in my earlier years of being “out”. But it’s still dating after all — and the dumpings aren’t callous or cruel.
But that doesn’t mean there’s no drama!
Gang, it’s still a group of single queer women in a house! Of course there’s drama. Complicated feelings. Falling for people they didn’t expect. Flirting outside of their couples. Hooking up with their friends (in a very PG way). Plus there’s a terrace like in that other show, perfectly secluded for sneaky goings on…
The women are HAPPY
Sorry, does this mean we are talking about watching something full of sapphic women who aren’t constantly miserable, desperate, dying/already dead, or most notably, in historical dramas by the coast? Weeping in crochet? Yes! It’s lovely to watch something that portrays the joy and excitement and support and friendship instead of only the pining. There’s still pining…there is always pining.
I can remember feeling like that for the first time. Being in my early 20s, surrounded by other queer women, laughing, dancing together, talking about feelings with people who understood rather than sympathised. As a bi woman in her early 30s, it warms my heart to see such a positive, silly space full of young women enjoying themselves! What a sad indictment that this is revolutionary…
That feeling is what we’re constantly fighting to keep. It’s not a given that we get that feeling. Many don’t. And many still feel that they never will, or have the constant insecurity that the rug will be pulled and suddenly the feeling is gone.
It’s a scary and strange time for LGBTQ+ people. Queerness has never been more visible and “accepted”, but it feels the most fragile and unsafe as I can ever remember it being. We can watch a programme like this, on the BBC, and congratulate ourselves on how cool we’ve all become, and how a lot of Gen Z don’t even have to come out anymore, they can just be, and we can celebrate how nice and normal it is to see women kissing on a state-funded TV channel. But it’s hard to forget while watching it that it feels like rights could be rolled back at any second, and Section 28 slowly seems to be returning to schools in a very flimsy disguise targeted at trans people, and so it does feel significant to see queer people enjoying themselves.
It’s too short!
And there aren’t enough episodes! Two episodes a week? For just four weeks? I don’t know how long Love Island runs for, but it feels like people are talking about it for five months. We get 10 episodes over four weeks and that’s it. As my friend very rightly said, that is the length of one lesbian first date. More please. And cancel Love Island.
